CHAPTER 16

SOMETIMES I WONDER

CHAPTER 16

3 MONTHS LATER: GREECE

Rory stands on the beach looking out at the water her hands resting on her middle. She smiles feeling arms wrap around her middle and kiss to her head, "When did you get back?" She asks tilting her head.

"A few minutes ago." Sark smiles feeling the baby move, "How is little Rory?"

"Julian Jr. is fine."

"Are we still debating this?" Sark grumbles

"If you'd just agree to finding out what we're having we wouldn't debate this." Rory argues

"What can I say... I want to be old fashioned on this matter" Sark shrugs "besides I'm right"

Rory laughs stepping out of his arms, "No ego problems for you huh?"

"Not at all." Sark grins looking Rory over as she stands before him barefoot wearing an ankle length wrap around skirt and a tank top barely covering her fast growing middle. "So how is Little Rory doing?" he asks resting his hands on Rory's hips as they stand inches apart.

"Julian Jr. is fine." Rory grins impishly.

Sark growls, "I bloody hate my name. If we are having a boy he won't be Julian Jr."

"Why not?"

"Hate my name." Sark reminds

"And you have no problem naming her Lorelai?"

Sark shrugs, "As long as it doesn't bother you."

"And Mom wouldn't be happy if we didn't name a girl Lorelai." Rory rubs her middle, "But if it is a girl... she gets her own nickname."

"I know. I just like calling her Little Rory considering she's going to look just like you."

"Ha it could be a little boy who looks just like you." Rory argues

"Still not going with Julian Jr." Sark says stubbornly

"I carry nine months... I go through morning sickness and long hours of labor and delivery... I get to decide whether or not he's Julian Jr." Rory walks away knowing he will follow.

"Over my dead body"

"I could call your sisters" Rory grins

"Come on love do you really want to put a little boy through the issues of the name Julian?"

Rory frowns rubbing her middle thoughtfully

"What?"

Rory looks at Sark, "I just had a thought... did Irina name you Julian? Or did your adoptive mother?"

"Mum did. I was named after her grandfather."

"So what was Irina going to name you?"

"I have no idea." Sark admits. "I never asked her."

"Why not?"

"I accepted what happened. Why look back? Why wonder what could have been?" He slips his arm around her shoulders kissing her head, "I doubt we would have met if Bill Vaughn hadn't done what he did." He muses as they walk down the beach. "So what is little Rory's middle name going to be?"

"Still thinking that over." Rory smiles looking down at her middle, "Any ideas?"

"Whatever you want my love." Sark kisses her head.

LATER

Sark leans back against the pillows on their bed watching as Rory tries on the clothes he brought back with him. "Everything fit?"

"Yep." Rory turns grinning at him

Sark watches as she strips down to her panties and the tank top then settle beside him. "How was everything while I was gone?"

Rory shrugs "I missed you."

"I missed you too." Sark kisses her temple.

"Did you send the letter?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. I know you don't like the idea of it being out... but I need Mom to know."

"I understand." Sark rests his hand on her middle.

"Thanks." Rory smiles before kissing him. "I missed you" she murmurs

"I missed you" Sark returns "I bloody hate being away from you." He groans resting his forehead against hers.

"I hate it too." Rory whispers tears filling her eyes. "I was scared."

Sark wipes at the tears, "No reason to be scared."

"I know... I just" Rory sniffles "stupid hormones going wacky."

Sark kisses her forehead, "I'm always going to come back... no matter what."

"I know." Rory sniffles snuggling against him.

"What did you do while I was gone?" Sark asks changing the subject.

"Same thing I do when your here." Rory shrugs. "Only difference is I was alone." She laughs feeling the baby move, "OK somewhat alone."

Sark chuckles kissing her head, "Nikos told me you went into town."

Rory shrugs "I needed to get out."

"I understand Rory."

"I went to the gallery."

"Anything of interest?"

"Same as last time." Rory shrugs "I just like to go... it keeps me occupied."

"I know." Sark trails his fingers down her arm.

Rory shifts uncomfortably.

"Something wrong?"

"I can't get comfortable anymore." Rory whines. "I'm getting so big that every position I'm in I get uncomfortable within minutes. If its this bad at seven months... I'm dreading to see how the rest of my pregnancy goes." She grumbles

"I'm sorry love."

"Should be... partly your fault." Rory grumbles

"Hey I seem to recall this" Sark rests his hand on her middle, "happened when you jumped me."

"I did not"

"Yes you did." Sark grins

"Did not"

"Did too. Deny it all you want but I'm right." Sark says smugly only to get gently nudged in the ribs.

Rory looks at her middle, "Ignore Daddy... he's got things mixed up."

Sark snorts "I remember vividly that time you were sick."

"Hey I was sick... you took advantage of me." Rory pouts

"Nice try." Sark laughs moving down he kisses her middle, "Your Mum is in denial. You were conceived on the kitchen table because she jumped me the moment I walked in the door."

Rory blushes

Sark smirks "You remember"

"Shut up." Rory grumbles

Sark moves up kissing her. "See I'm right."

"No you aren't"

"Yes I am." Sark kisses her nose

Rory huffs then giggles as he kisses her.

COUPLE DAYS LATER: STARS HOLLOW

Lorelai frowns seeing an envelope in Rory's handwriting with no return address. Dropping the rest of the mail on the table, she rips open the envelope removing a sheet of paper. Lorelai unfolds the piece of paper finding a side view picture of Rory her eyes widening in realization. She turns her attention to the note included.

'Mom,

If you saw the picture than you know... I'm pregnant.'

Lorelai looks at the picture of Rory smiling brightly then back at the note.

'Seven months pregnant to be precise. I'm sorry for not letting you know earlier but Julian's been obsessive about keeping it a secret from too many people. The baby and I are perfectly healthy... and safe. We don't know what it is... I want to know Julian doesn't... so far I'm letting him win this one. I know he's most likely right about it being a girl... I just can't let him know that. He would never let me live it down.

I know this is a surprise... but we are happy about it.

I hope everything in Stars Hollow is going good. I miss everyone.

I love you Mom. ~Rory'

Lorelai stares at the note tears filling her eyes, 'My baby is having a baby without me. When she needs me most her husband keeps her in hiding.' She sits at the table staring at the picture. "Oh Rory" Lorelai sighs

SAME DAY: LA

Jack frowns seeing an envelope with no return address but initals JSL. He opens the envelope removing a piece of paper.

'Jack,

Surprised to hear from me after all this time?

Rory and I are fine. I know you are still looking for me but its more than just Rory and I now... Rory's pregnant. No Irina doesn't know... I didn't trust her in knowing. I know what she would have done.

Only reason I'm even telling you is because by now Lorelai has received Rory's letter.'

"Damn it Sark... what were you thinking." Jack mutters

'I know... not the best timing but it happened.

I had no choice in leaving Jack... I know by the time you found my last location everything that was there was gone. I will continue with our agreement of handing over information about numerous organizations but I will not stop in finding out who shot me that night.

If you and Irina have any kind of parental care for me... just let me live my life. The life I might have had if Bill Vaughn hadn't decided my fate... or Irina hadn't decided her duty to Russia was more important to her than anything else.

~Sark'

Jack stares at the note and sighs, 'Good luck Julian.' He walks into his kitchen opening a drawer he removes a lighter and watches as the piece of paper and envelope goes up in flames.

EVENING: GREECE

"How are you feeling darling?" Sark asks as he finds Rory sitting in the hammock that is set up outside his office.

Rory shrugs "Tired. Hot."

"That makes sense in what you are wearing."

Rory looks at her outfit of her bikini bottoms with one of Sark's wife beaters and shrugs, "Too sore for the top."

"Ah" Sark nods remembering how she has been getting more and more uncomfortable with bras.

"Going to join me?" Rory asks hopefully.

Sark carefully settles beside Rory pulling her close his hand resting on her middle. "How is Little Rory?"

Rory rolls her eyes, "Julian Jr. is fine."

"You are going to stick with that aren't you?"

Rory shrugs "If you stick with calling the baby Little Rory... I'm sticking with Julian Jr."

"Fine." Sark kisses her head. The two sit on the hammock talking and watching the sun go down.

LATER

"What are you doing?" Sark asks as he makes dinner while Rory sits at the kitchen table with a notepad.

"Making a list."

"Of what?"

"Stuff for the baby we still need."

"I thought you made lists."

"This is the stuff we still need. I left off the crossed off items."

"Nikos said the orders came in."

"Mmm" Rory nods "everything is in the bedroom. We should probably go through everything tomorrow."

"Rory we have time before we need to deal with everything."

"I need to be organized." Rory shrugs "I can't help it... drives Mom crazy."

"I'm organized as well but you are doing list after list"

"I'm list crazy." Rory shrugs "I like lists. I can't help it."

Sark sets a glass of milk before her he kisses her head, "Alright. Tonight we'll make some more orders."

Rory nods "Thanks" she takes a sip of the milk.

"You know I was thinking" Sark returns to the stove, "if when we do return to the States we will need a place to live."

"But isn't that a while off?" Rory asks

"It is but that doesn't mean we can't be prepared for the eventuality."

"So what are you thinking?"

"Perhaps we should buy a house... in Stars Hollow? Or perhaps outside of town? Wherever we can find a place" Sark takes a sip of his wine.

Rory looks at him, "Are you serious?"

"I did tell you once I finish this... I will retire... for the most part. And I know when its done you will want to go home."

Rory sets her pen down resting her hands on her middle, "And when will that be?"

"I wish I could tell you we would be back before the baby's born... but unfortunately that won't happen."

Rory nods "I know." She whispers sadly.

"Rory" Sark turns off the stove and walks over to the table pulling Rory to her feet he sits pulling her onto his lap. He kisses her shoulder, "Just because I can't go back... it doesn't mean you can't."

Rory looks at him wide-eyed, "Do you want me to go back?"

"No" Sark assures gently brushing her hair back, "not at all. But if that is what you want... I would understand. I mean" he looks at her middle sadly "being on the run with a baby... away from your Mum. I could understand why you would decide to go back."

Rory swallows, "I miss home yes... but I don't want to go back without you. I admit having this baby without my Mom around... does terrify me. She's never going to forgive this... me having a baby without her."

"I'm sure she understands... especially after talking with Jack."

Rory meets his gaze, "I don't want to go back... not unless you're going as well."

"The offer is there... at any time." Sark kisses her temple.

"Its never going to be taken up." Rory says firmly. "We're staying together."

Sark nods kissing her lightly.

Rory sighs, "You're supposed to be feeding us." She reminds

"I know."

Rory starts to stand only to have him stop her, "Hello you are responsible for the food issue for us" Rory points at her middle "and Baby and I are hungry."

Sark smiles kissing her nose then releases her "Fine but only because my daughter is hungry."

"Or son" Rory retorts as he returns to the stove.

"You are not letting this up are you?" Sark sighs

"Nope."

"Why?"

"Because Gilmores don't give in." Rory replies

"Yes you are quite stubborn." Sark agrees "But you do realize that the odds are it is a girl."

"We'll just have to see."

"So does this mean we'll do double sets of clothes?" Sark asks

"We wouldn't have too if you'd just give in."

"Not going too."

"Then we're getting double clothes. Besides babies spend most of their first months in sleepers. Considering everything we don't need much of anything other than sleepers." Rory takes a sip of her milk. "We just won't open the clothes or anything until the baby's born or you give in."

"I'm not giving in."

"You really want to wait?" Rory asks

Sark shrugs "My whole life has been bad surprises... this seems like a good surprise"

"So you admit it could be a boy" Rory grins

Sark tilts his head, "I do admit there is a chance... I just think its a higher chance of a girl."

Rory watches as he moves around the kitchen finishing up dinner.

COUPLE MORNINGS LATER

Sark looks up from reading the newspaper, "Morning darling. You are up early."

Rory shrugs "Can't sleep."

Sark regards her "Are you feeling alright?" He asks. "You look pale." He steps up to Rory cupping her cheek.

"I just feel... icky." Rory shrugs

"Why don't you go back to bed... I will bring you some tea."

Rory nods heading back to the bedroom. A few minutes later Rory smiles seeing Sark enter with a cup of tea

"Here you go." Sark hands her the tea

"Thanks" Rory takes a sip settling back against the pillows.

"How about we go into town today?" Sark suggests

Rory nods "Sure."

"What would you like to do in town?" Sark asks

"I'm not sure." Rory says thoughtfully.

"Well think about it. I'm going to go for a run. When I get back I'll make breakfast."

"OK" Rory nods smiling as he kisses her head before walking out of the room.

SAME DAY: SOMEWHERE

"Hello Jack" Irina greets warmly

"Irina." Jack sits beside her

"What do I owe this surprising meeting too? Are the girls alright?"

"They’re fine. Have you heard from Sark?"

"I haven't heard anything about our enterprising son in over three months... not since he took out Brousard and three of his men. Why? Have you heard from him? Is he alright?"

"He sent a note."

"What did it say?"

"Not much. No details about where he is. They’re safe."

"Good." Irina says relieved. "He must really want to hide... I haven't been able to find him anyway."

"There's a reason why that is."

"And?"

"She's pregnant."

"What?" Irina looks at Jack "That is unacceptable." She says coldly.

"This is why no one has seen him Irina. He's gone into hiding."

"He is not ready for a child." Irina protests

"Which is why he didn't contact you."

"And that is?"

"All he said is he knew what you would do." Jack looks at her. "And how is that?"

Irina looks straight ahead. "He made a mistake years ago. A mistake I dealt with."

Jack stares at his wife, "Even if not know about him being our son... you did raise him Irina."

"I did what was best for him. He was on his way up... he didn't need the distraction of a child."

"And now? If he had told you that his wife was pregnant"

"I would have told him the same thing I told him last time... a child in our world is just a pawn. And to bring a child into it would be unfair and cruel."

"No wonder he didn't want to tell you."

"Oh come on Jack you can't approve either."

"He's an adult Irina. Its not my place to approve or not."

"What now?"

Jack shrugs "We let him live his life... how he wants in hiding."

"And the CIA?"

"Considering he hasn't been causing trouble its been decided that he's not high ranking."

"Agent Vaughn must be loving that." Irina states dryly.

"He's the only one pushing to find Sark." Jack leans back "He still believes Reed is alive and Sark knows where she is."

"If he knew he'd tell."

"I agree. It wouldn't help him to keep the secret." Jack muses

"So we just let this go?"

"He's never had a normal life Irina. Sydney had a normal childhood... Nadia had a somewhat normal life. Sark never has." Jack stands "I'm going to respect his wishes... you should as well. Especially if you want him to ever trust you as a parent." Jack walks away leaving Irina sitting there.

LATE MORNING

"Julian"

Sark looks up from his work to see Rory in the doorway of the office looking pale, "Rory" he quickly stands hurrying over to Rory. "What is it?"

"I don't feel..." Rory whimpers tearfully her head spinning "I"

Sark catches her as she faints, "Rory" he says worried as he picks her up and carries her to the couch.

LATER

"How is she?" Sark demands as the doctor walks out of the room.

"Doing well. Resting"

"And the baby?"

"No trauma. Perfectly fine. Your wife and child should be fine."

Sark runs his hands over his face sighing heavily before looking at the closed door, "What now?"

"Your wife will need bed rest. No heavy activity. No stress."

Sark nods "That won't be a problem."

HOUR LATER

Sark kisses Rory's knuckles smiling when he hears her sigh and her eyes slowly open. "Rory" he says relieved

"Julian" Rory says groggily. "What happened?"

"You passed out."

"Oh." Rory mumbles

"How do you feel?" Sark asks concerned.

"Tired." Rory yawns her hand moving to her middle.

"The baby's fine."

"What happened?"

"We'll talk when you're rested." Sark kisses her knuckles "Now go back to sleep." He murmurs

"Stay?"

"I'm not going anywhere." He promises "Just rest."

"Love you" Rory mumbles

"I love you." Sark returns watching as she drifts back to sleep. 'Sleep well my love.'

COUPLE HOURS LATER

"The doctor said both of you are fine" Sark gently smoothes Rory's hair back.

Rory looks at her middle and bites her lip, "What if"

"Hey there are no what ifs." Sark says firmly. "Everything will be fine."

Rory takes a deep breath trying to control her nerves as she nods. "I'm scared."

"I know but its going to be fine. I promise." He kisses her forehead then wipes at the few tears that have fallen.

Rory nods twisting the blanket in her hands.

"What's wrong?"

"Wish Mom was here." Rory says sadly.

"I know. If I could bring her here I would." Sark tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear, "I know how much you miss her. I know you want her here. If I could make it so she could come here safe... and go home safe I would."

"I know."

"Rory if I brought her here... she couldn't go back... not until I finish this. She would have to leave everything behind... Luke included."

"I know... I know that how much I want my Mom here... leaving her life wouldn't be fair. She worked hard to get the Inn." Rory looks at her middle and sighs heavily. "And it took her so long to get together with Luke."

"I promise one day things will be how they should be." Sark kisses her forehead.

"Hold me?"

"Sure." Sark shifts leaning back against the headboard he wraps his arms around Rory. "Everything is going to be fine love."

Rory nods

NEXT DAY LATER: HOUSE

Sark kisses Rory's cheek as he carries Rory into the house, "I'm glad you're home." He murmurs

Rory smiles "You know I can walk."

"I know." Sark carries her into the bedroom setting Rory on the bed.

"You are going to be obsessive about this bed rest thing huh?"

"Of course." Sark kisses her head as he sits beside her and removes his shoes and socks.

"This is going to be a long few months." Rory sighs "If he can last that long."

"She" Sark stresses, "will last until she thinks she's ready."

Rory rolls her eyes as he walks to the closet putting his shoes away. "Julian what if"

"Rory" Sark sits beside her "what ifs are not needed. The baby will be fine."

Taking a deep breath Rory nods as she runs her hands over her middle. 'The baby will be OK.' She tells herself, 'I need the baby to be OK.'

Sark hugs her kissing her head his hand joining hers. 'You'll be fine little one.'

THAT NIGHT

The two sit in silence in bed Sark on his laptop and Rory with her journal.

Rory looks up and smiles at Sark's intense expression

"What?" Sark asks without looking at her.

"Nothing." Rory turns back to her journal.

Sark reaches over and rests his hand on her middle, "How are you feeling?" He asks without looking away from the screen.

"Fine." Rory continues writing enjoying the feeling of his hand. "Do you realize that soon we won't be getting any sleep?"

"I'm used to little sleep." Sark waves off as he leans over kissing her cheek. He removes his hand going back to his work.

"Fine then you are changing diapers at midnight."

Sark nods

Rory smiles, 'He's going to be a good Dad.'

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